My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
