well you can't waste a boner
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
