Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
