everyone is single if you try hard enough
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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