no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
