The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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