so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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