Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
