I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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