just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do herpes really smell.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Green mimosas i think yes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's official drugs can't kill me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
