Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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