Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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