He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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