Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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