HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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