Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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