Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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