there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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