So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
