You really coming over, don't trick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
