this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
