but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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