totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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