I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
