you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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