If that was your dad, he is hot
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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