I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
