did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
