walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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