walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
