I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
