No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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