She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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