weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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