Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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