i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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