Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
