They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
