its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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