I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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