Grow some girl-balls and come out already
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
