You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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