Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
