Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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