at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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