Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
