Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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