I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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