Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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