the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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