He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize