weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
