after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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