ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
