Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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