That's intense
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
