I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
