Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
