just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
