Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
