you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
