Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
