I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
