He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
