Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
