all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
