1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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