i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
