if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
