"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
