if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't put those talents on a resume
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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