brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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