Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
