:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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