We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Randomize
